Color Me Dead
by AuthoressSama
Summary: This is NOT an emo fic. We just like the name. Ichigo is fired by Ryou and no one knows why. She investigates and finds the tragic truth...READ ON TO FIND OUT! MUAHAHAHA! A TMM collab by Bukitten and Misha12 Pairings: WHO KNOWS! COMPLETE
1. Fired

Disclaimer: We don't own TMM

**Disclaimer: We don't own TMM!! Do not sue us, LAWYERS!! XDD **

**Bukitten: Tada. Our (Misha12 and My) first two-way collabie!! If we actually post this, I think I'll die of humiliation...**

**Misha12: Yup. I'm over at Bukitten's house This little, cheerful poem may explain this fanfiction:**

**Death**

**Death is BLACK**

**Death is COLD**

**Death is DEATH!!**

**Bukitten: That made it into our school's Lit. Magazine. The people that accept/deny poems for it must be idiots. If this poem belongs to you, we are truely sorry (cough) So yeah, hope you enjoy this bizarre fic!**

**Misha12: One sec (prys keyboard from Bukitten while she screams in protest), our humor is marinated in sarcasm-**

**Bukitten: -AND DARKNESS-**

**Misha12: Yes, Freak-**

**Bukitten: Eh?**

**Misha12: BUKITTEN! I said Bukitten, deaf person... so yes, Bukitten, and darkness...CAUSE IT RULES!! Soooooo, we find sarcasm and darkness to be one coin, two sides.**

Color Me Dead

What happened to me today? Nothing. Of course. With Masaya as my boyfriend, nothing EVER happens!! I hate this nothingness!! But I love him (Much to all the readers' despair). So I'll deal with this boring bologna and mustard. And guess what. I don't even LIKE mustard.

Oh great. It's three o' clock. That means-

Ding dong. The doorbell rang; time for the afternoon door-face-smashing time.

I trudged mournfully towards the brown, wooden rectangle that separated me from the outside annoyance. I sighed as I opened the door and a handful of random flowers were thrust at my bored face- just like every other day.

"Ichigo, my darling, kitty-kins, here are some flowers! Though, they may NEVER match your luscious-" Kish tried to start cooing, before the door was slammed in his face. I could swear I heard grumbling on the other side as I retreated back to the dent in the couch I had formed.

The scariest thing of this dull Saturday afternoon is that I actually look forward to Monday's work. Two more days of this. Wah!

...I'm hungry...

Now time for some fun with the pizza guys. I peeled off the hot leather couch and grabbed the phone off of the receiver in the kitchen, dialing the memorized number of the local pizza shop. As it rang, I thought of my newest technique to use on them. This one was pretty evil (Mwahaha.).

"Hello, this is Pizza Hut?" A cheery, young woman picked up, and her voice implied that she wasn't sure if this was, _truly_ Pizza Hut.

"Um, yeah," I took in a large gasp of air before beginning, "I'dlikealargepizzawithextracheese,pepporoni,sausages,onions,waitnoonionsplease,lettuce... canyouguysevendothat?andumumumextraEXTRAcrust,andcouldthatgoontop..."

As I listed all of these toppings in a rush, I moved the receiver farther away from my mouth. That poor girl was probably dieing trying to hear me! Yay, that's what I was going for!

"Okay, that's fine, but I don't think we can put the crust on top, exactly?" She was yelling, probably to make sure that it wasn't her phone that was making me so quiet.

"Aw,butthe_other_guyletme!!" I complained in my poutiest voice, still cramming all my words together.

"Well, then, we'll try?" She sounded troubled about how her had answer made me 'feel' upset.

"Mhm, well," At the last word I yanked the phone piece right next to my mouth and screamed, "WE NEVER HAD THIS CONVERSATION!"

And then slammed it down on the receiver. How exciting.

Later that night, and after many pranks on the pizza people, I ate dinner with my parents. It was quiet, until that dreaded doorbell rang. I suspected Kish _again_. I volunteered to answer it; I always did get satisfaction in giving Kish his daily concussion.

As my hand reached for the doorknob, the doorbell rang again, multiple times, causing my cats ears and tail to fly up in excitement. Kish was never _this_ eager, at least, not twice in the same day.

I slowly pulled the door open, fearing the worst. Guess what? I got it. I heard thunder crash and rain pour, for it was... RYOU!

"Ichigo, you have to come in early on Monday, mop, take down the chairs, put up new wallpaper, polish ALL of my shoes (which really is a lot, when you think about it), and-"

"Ichigo? Who is it?" My oh-so-calm mother asked from the dinner table.

"Hi-" I cut off Ryou with my hand, before he could utter another syllable. I was too late...

"OOOOOOOOOOO, IS IT A BOY!?" My mother squealed while shooting up from her chair and slamming her hands into the table. "LETHIMIN!LETHIMIN!"

My father's face grew bright red. "WHAT'S THIS!? A BOY!? NO! NEVER!" He stormed over to the door, but didn't see Ryou, yet. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING LEECH-" As soon as my father caught a glimpse of Ryou, he backed off. "You can let him in." With that, he walked back to the kitchen table.

I turned back to Ryou. "What'd you do to him?" I pointed my thumb at my now tranquil father. My hand fell, as did my mouth, at the incredibly long limousine parked out in front of my tiny-looking house. "Ry-Ry-Ry-Ry-Ry-"

"It was just something I picked up. Not the best, I know, but it works."

I shot him a look that only an envious, poor girl could ever make.

He completely ignored it and tried to pick up where he left off, but my boy-crazed mother clutched his wrist and yanked him into the dining room, practically throwing him into a chair.

"There you go, sweetie. Make yourself right at home.(insert heart here)"

I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

But he stood up and apologized. "I am so very sorry, Ma'am, but I have to go. My sincerest apologies."

I could see hearts in my mother's eyes. I was just about to remind her that she was already married, when Ryou leaned down on his way out and whispered, "Don't forget, Ichigo!"

Ah, if only he knew what I was thinking. Him being strangled to death and then chopped up with a butcher knife. All done by me, of course.

Once Ryou had driven away, my mother still looked like she was dreaming.

"Why don't you leave Masaya, Ichigo honey, and _marry_ him? I'd be fine with it!"

I almost cracked up, laughing at the image, but contorted it into a twitching corner of my mouth. After the giggly bubbles subsided, I turned to Dad.

"Doesn't matter, right Dad? 'Cause you wouldn't allow it anyways."

To my horror, he shrugged. "Actually, he's a very polite, young gentleman. I wouldn't mind if you went for a guy like him."

I shrieked gibberish, and stomped up to my room, emphasizing each step with a grunt. I could swear, if I had slammed my door any harder, the hinges would have broken off.

The next morning, I woke up to happily singing birds. I groggily stood up, jerked my curtains open, and stared at the little flying, winged creatures. If I had a gun, they'd ALL be dead in minutes, but I didn't have a gun, so no dead birds would drop today. Unless, I get them the old-fashioned way. I swore loudly, "SHUT THE **HELL** UP, YOU STUPID, MINDLESS, HAPPY DEMONS!!" I think the singing grew louder.

Sipping a slightly stale soda on the way to work, I noticed a poster that made my day. It read, "**WARNING: THERE IS A PRANK-CALLING MENACE ON THE LOOSE. HE/SHE IS CALLING ALL OF THE LOCAL PIZZA JOINTS, AND PRANKING THEM. IF HE/SHE CALLS YOUR PIZZA PLACE, GET THE PHONE NUMBER AT ALL COSTS! EVEN IF IT COSTS YOUR PUNY, LITTLE, UNIMPORTANT, INSIGNIFIGANT LIFE! THANK YOU. –THE AWESOME, COOL, AMAZING, SUPREME, IMPORTANT, SIGNIFICANT, ASTOUNDING, ****ASTONISHING****, ****FANTASTICAL****, ****INCREDIBLE****, ****MARVELOUS****, ****PHENOMENAL****, ****PRODIGIOUS****, ****STUPENDOUS****, ****UNBELIEVABLE****, ****WONDROUS**** GOVERNMENT"**

The ends of my mouth curled into an evil grin at the word 'menace'. I pulled an old crayon out of my pocket, and circled all of the she's in the he/she parts of the notice.

I BWAHAHA'd the rest of the way.

I stepped into Cafe Mew Mew, naive to the coming event. My good mood was instantly ruined; I can barely stand getting here on _time_, let only early. So now in a crappy mood, I stormed up to the hook that held my uniform. But just as I reached up to yank it off, a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I squealed inhumanly, before my head slammed into the ceiling. My cat ears and tail exploded out of me, and when I so expertly landed on my stomach I glared up at Ryou, who seemed to be trying to stay serious throughout my amazing stunt.

"Ichigo, let's talk business."

I scoffed at his choice of words. "This is new. Since when did you know anything about business? I heard there's a _great_ book about it. 'Business for the Average Everyday Moron'? Did you happen to read that?"

Ryou simply stared at me. "Uh, right. So anyways, you can hang that uniform back up."

"Huh?" I was so confuzzled. He _never_ let me take a day off when I wanted to. Why now?

"Oh... and don't bother coming tomorrow..." He stroked his chin and looked up, talking a bit softer, as if to himself. "Or any day afterwards, for that matter..."

Oh.

"Y-you're firing me?! HOW DARE YOU FIRE-"

"Yes, I'm firing you. Now get out." When I just sat there staring at him in disbelief, he waved his hand at me like I was a pesky fly. "Shoo."

"You're really firing me?" My voice cracked, I was on the verge of tears. I know that it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it felt like I was fired for life; from being a mew.

"..." He inhaled sharply as if getting hit in his arm. "Yeah...pretty much."

**Bukitten: And yeah, that's chapter one.**

**Misha12: (rereads the government notice and laughs until I make no noise) MY, GOD, THAT'S GENIOUS! I LOVE that notice! **

**Bukitten: And, of course, it was **_**my **_**idea! So, this is our first chapter of our first collab-**

**Misha12: -explosive, huh-**

**Bukitten: Er, right. NEWAYS- at least first for me We clearly are enjoying loads of dark humor and sarcasm. Ah, I sure do love a refreshing glass of sarcasm.**

**Misha12: (glug, glug, glug, glug, glug) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! SARCASM!! (glug, glug, glug)**

**Bukitten: whispers: freak...**

**Misha12: ...I no freaky...**

**Bukitten: Being the NON two year old, I find it my job to conclude this... THANKS FOR READING!! Stay tuned for a slightly more serious second chapter.**

**Misha12: BY THE POWER OF THE SARCASM! REVIEW! ...We'll just kill you otherwise. Muahehehehehehe... (I aint two..) **


	2. Tears

Disclaimer: We do not own brains-ER

**Disclaimer: We do not own brains-ER! I-I mean...um...any of the Tokyo Mew Mew characters!! Heh, heh...eh...**

**Bukitten: Pfft! Smart, Misha12.**

**Misha12: Well...um...yeah...**

**Bukitten: But if you want, we'll take over your mind for you and corrupt it all **

**Misha12: AH! GASP! NO!! OoO**

**Bukitten: Does that mean I can't take over anybody's brain? Darn...**

**Misha12: YES! Uh, no, uh! I-I mean!! Um...YES! **

**Bukitten: While M12 figures out what she means, let's get on with the story...**

**Misha12: AHA! I'VE GOT IT! You can not, not mind control! Er, I mean, ANYONE'S MIND! Um...no...AUGH!**

**Bukitten: Double negative, so I CAN take over people's minds! YAY!**

**Misha12: MATTE! NO!**

**Bukitten: Oh whatEVER! **

**Misha12: -.- You know...this beginning Authoresses' Note is going to end up being a page long...**

**Bukitten: READ AND REVIEW! ENJOY THIS CHAPTER! GOOD BYE!**

Previously

"_You're really firing me?" My voice cracked; I was on the verge of tears. I know that it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it felt like I was fired for life; from being a mew._

"_..." He inhaled sharply as if getting hit in his arm. "Yeah...pretty much."_

Color Me Dead

Chapter 2:

I tried to hide my intensely mortified face; my tears nearly erupted from my glassy, cherry eyes. I slowly grasped the last shred of my pride. I rose from my dejected puddle as if I were being pulled. My chin tilted upwards, helping me to cover up my depressed state. I turned on my heel and tried to stride out of Cafe Mew Mew without letting my emotions make me stagger.

My face pleaded to glance back at my _former_ boss, the lowlife, Ryou Shirogane, but I jerked it back in place. I didn't want to see his expression; so scared that he'd be pleased.

Home was not the place to retreat to- parents would ask questions.

The park bench was not the place to retreat to- people would stare at my tear-stained crimson face.

And then I remembered an old tree house some person built so long ago that the wood was starting to rot. I also recall going there in times of despair for comfort. That's how I decided on a perfect crying location.

By the time I was up the ladder, tears were flowing freely and silently down my cheeks. But of course the tree house wasn't empty.

Before I could see the inside of _my_ crying location, I heard soft sobs where _I_ should be sobbing! I slowly lifted my head up, just enough for my eyes could see the figure wrapped in the shadows of the farthest corner.

"Lettuce? Is that you?" The green hair was a dead giveaway, but it wasn't up in her usual braids- but instead each solitary strand glistened in what little sun there was as it curved down the shy girl's body.

Lettuce sniffled and rubbed her eyes before perching her round glasses back onto the bridge of her nose.

"Mhm?" She murmured, her voice even higher than her normal pitch.

"Lettuce! What are _YOU_ doing here!?" And in MY crying spot!? "Your story cannot be worse than mine."

Lettuce sniffed and asked, "What's wrong? I wanna hear yours first."

"Well," I climbed into the tiny tree house, crawled on the rotted wood flooring across from Lettuce, tucked in my knees to my chest, and began my sad tale, "I came into the cafe early today, to do some extra busy work that Ryou had so delicately laid out for me, when Ryou practically dumped me out onto the street!" Lettuce cocked her head as if she didn't understand. "He surprised me, or killed me, I suppose," I muttered, "and then he told me not to come back! EVER!" I threw my arms up in the air out of frustration, but they hit the ceiling. That's three body parts, today. Wow, more than usual, even for _me_.

Lettuce's eyes widened. "He did the same thing to me-"

"So he pushed you into the ceiling, too?" I exclaimed, not being able to picture even Ryou being able to hurt someone like Lettuce.

"Well, no, he was nice about and let me down gentle."

Of course he did. That grudge-holding, rich, spoiled, puny, gay, tight-shirt-wearer, little jerk.

"I hope his business crashes from the loss of workers," I said under my breath.

Lettuce looked worried. "Ichigo, that's not very kind."

I stared at her in disbelief. "He. Just. FIRED. You!"

Lettuce winced at my harsh tone and she seemed to get even smaller in her tight ball. "I-I mean that-w-well. In some cases...but not Ryou's... I mean he gave us the job and he made us mews."

"...and you look at that as if it's a reward...?" I questioned her sanity, then a thought struck me.

Why _was _it just _us_ that were fired?

"Err... Lettuce?" She looked up at me. "Do you happen to know if any other mews were fired?" Lettuce shook her head, but seemed to consider the question.

"Maybe we should go-" Before she finished I cut her off.

"INVESTIGATE!" I quickly stood up and pointed upwards, but I sharply remembered that the ceiling was low- the hard way. Once up, I came down.

Lettuce rose (but not high, because she remembers things like the height of the ceiling) and came over to my side. "Are you alright?"

I grunted. "Whatever. Let's go." I turned to go, but all of a sudden there wasn't a floor- I turned one too many steps. I toppled down but before I met the cold, hard ground my cat instincts kicked in and I flipped to an upright position, just in time.

After many seconds in my shocked position, with little kids staring at me and shouting, a horrifying thought sprang forth. Why did I react so slowly? On top of that, my hands twitched; ...they hurt! My legs hurt! That didn't usually happen! What's wrong with me!?

"Lettuce!" I called up, "My mew powers are weakening!"

The kids stopped playing their game and stared at me.

"Err.. Say a word and I'll kill you and then I'll track down and kill your family and friends!" I shouted at the kids, and they all screamed and ran away.

"Smoothly handled," Lettuce commented, now down at my side.

I heard a little kid complaining to his mom that some weird woman said she was a superhero, and I saw the mom roll her eyes and pull him away while he madly stomped his feet and protested.

I decided to put out this fire before it spread. I elegantly strode over to the little boy and his mom. The little brat darted behind his mother's legs. "Excuse me, Miss, I couldn't help over-hearing this situation. I did not say I was a superhero. This nice young boy-"

"My name is Jennifer!" The kid shouted.

"Well, sorry, anyway, Jennifer-can I call you Jenny?"

"NO!" The little girl shrieked, and the mother apologized.

"She just misunderstood me. I said I was a NEW person to this neighborhood."

The mother's face brightened. "Well, sorry about the trouble. Hope you like it here!" And with that, the small family walked off.

I spun and looked at Lettuce with a smirk. "TO MINT'S HOUSE! Time to begin this mystery!"

At Mint's house, Lettuce often tripped over small vines on the brick walkway. When I pulled down the diamond studded cord that rang the doorbell, earsplitting horns blew in our faces, knocking us both clean off our feet and into the vast forest of neatly cut bushes. Spiky bushes. I HATE spiky bushes.

Surprisingly, a butler opened the door instead of Mint, who was normally the arrogant welcoming committee.

"Oh hello, ladies." The elderly man dragged us out of the bushes and brought us inside. He sent us off to Mint's wing, but just as we started up the stairs he plucked one last leaf out of Lettuce's hair, making her blush with chagrin.

When we got to her glittering blue doors and reached out to pull them open, Lettuce stopped and put a finger to her lips. I stood silent and listened closely, and sure enough, I heard light and dainty sobs.

"Is Mint... crying?" I whispered in disbelief, with my hand covering my mouth in shock.

Lettuce nodded her head and instead of simply opening the bedroom doors, she softly knocked, instead.

There was a sound of someone rushing to get cleaned up, and a muffled, "Yes? Oh, um, one second!" Feet padded across the room, and the doors were opened- revealing a teary-eyed Mint.

"What," Mint demanded, the question not even questioning in her tone.

I struggled for the right thing to say. Barging in here and asking if she was fired didn't seem as brilliant now.

Lettuce, being the brighter one in times like these, took over. "Why are you crying, Mint?"

Mint sniffed and looked away. "C-crying? Who said I was crying?" I stared her down, and barely won. Mint huffed and answered Lettuce's question. "No wise cracks, Ichigo."

I held up my right hand and crossed my heart. "Cross my heart and hope for cat nip."

Mint sighed. "Before I spread the wonderful news, why don't we sit down and have a glass of water?" She plopped down a cushioned chair and immediately crossed her legs. Lettuce and I followed.

Butler-man arrived with three glasses of water, handing them all to Mint, who surreptitiously shuffled them around before handing them to us.

The blue-haired girl sipped and then sighed again, "I was fired."

"WHAT!?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Y-you were fired, too!?"

Mint was dumbfounded. "'too'? No way, Ryou fired you two? Well, I can understand you, Ichigo, but I and Lettuce? There's a shock."

I slammed my hand into my forehead out of sheer frustration. "MINT! All three of us were fired! Do you know if anyone _else_ was fired!?"

"That doesn't matter! He fired me! _Me!!_ Who could fire _ME?!_" Mint nearly exploded in anger.

I frowned. "Well, you never worked..." She ignored me and continued fuming.

"Work? WORK?" Mint fumed. "THIS GORGEOUS FACE WAS NOT MEANT TO WORK! My dainty hands were not meant to do the meaningless tasks that you commoners have to deal with! I shouldn't even have to breath the air you breathe! I shouldn't even have to-"

I held up my hand. "Yes, Master Liege. We understand."

Suddenly, Lettuce stabs me with a butcher knife. "Well, peasant, lets go ask the others what happened to them. Oh, stop your crying, it's not that bad. Just some blood... and guts... and more little organs that I can't identify... that's all."

Mint gasped in horror. "My carpet!! Stop bleeding all over my CARPET!!"

The room blacked out. The next thing I knew, a monkey was jumping on my head. "Pudding? Wait, what happened to my wound? What happened to the blood?" I was very confused.

Lettuce cocked her head. "What wound? What in the world are you talking about?"

I stared at Lettuce. Innocent, little, killer girl. "You... and Mint.. and the carpet... and... huh?"

Mint looked like she had just remembered something. "Oh yeah, I think I put a little something in that water I gave you... Maybe you were delusional from it. Tee, hee."

Pudding got off of her place on my head and sat across from me, pouting and widening her eyes. "I gots fired, too, na no da!"

Mint coughed, masquerading her, "No shock, peasant" comment.

I did a slight glare in her direction, before staring sympathetically at Pudding. "We were fired, too! Do you know if Zakuro was fired?"

Pudding shook her head and placed her right index finger on her chin in thought. "Not that I can remember. AH! Let's go see her, na no da!"

I shot up into the air. "Let's crash her interview that she told us about last Friday!"

"Yay!" Pudding squealed, bouncing off the walls with me. "We're gonna crash the interview!!" She quickly ran over to the intercom. "KIDS, GET THE WEAPONS, NA NO DA!"

The next thing I knew, a five-year old SWAT team burst into the living room. The tallest one said. "'Ere dey aw! Pick won!"

From the smallest to the oldest, the weapons were: a broken wine bottle, a giant machine gun, some sporks, grenades, and a missile launcher.

Pudding clamed her hand on her chin. "Hm...that's tough, we'll take them ALL, na no da!!" She took all of the weapons in her arms and ran out the door. "C'mon, Everyone, let's go get Zakuro!!"

I, Mint, and Lettuce, still had a hard time getting past the SWAT team, let alone the weapons. "R-right...c-coming..." Right when my foot hovered over the threshold, I was trampled by SWAT. "...As soon as I get the feeling back in my legs..."

I eventually _did_ end up at the T.V. station...on the roof. "Pudding, what are we doing on the roof?"

Pudding giggled. "We can't transform on the street, Silly!" With that, Pudding became Mew Pudding. Mint, Lettuce, and I shrugged and did the same.

"So, now what?" Mew Mint crossed her arms. "It's too cold up here." Her dress nearly flew up; the wind was far too strong. "AH! Mark my words, Ryou Shirogane, you WILL PAY for your pervert-ness of your dress designs!"

"First of all, watch out for birds up here."

As if on cue, a large flock of birds instantly flew right into Mint, knocking her off the roof.

"Hm, Mint being attacked by birds, how ironic..." I muttered, smiling.

After Mint reappeared on the rooftop, Pudding picked up where she left off. "As I was saying, before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED-"

"RUDELY INTERRUPTED!? THOSE BIRDS ATTACKED ME!"

I coughed, "Like we care." When Mint turned to glare at me, I flipped my head around and waved. "HI! How are you on this fine day!? ...Or night!?"

Pudding stomped her foot. "AHEM! Second, we leap down directly on set. Then, I throw a smoke bomb, you three grab Zakuro, and then my siblings will fix anything out of place!" Her eyes glistened. "IT'S FOOLPROOF!"

"Not unless Ichigo partakes in it." Mint mouthed to herself, "OOPS! Did I say that out loud?"

"Har, har, har," I laughed sarcastically. "My, my, Mint, you're quite a card." Mint huffed.

Lettuce fidgeted in her position. "Um, err, please don't-"

Both Mint and I turned at her at the same time and yelled, "Shut up, Lettuce!" and then turned to each other and glared for some uncountable time. I lost.

"Let's go already, people!" Pudding dictated, motioning downwards with her hand before leaping off the roof.

Lettuce squirmed some more. "P-Pudding? That doesn't seem too-"

This time Pudding joined in when Mint and I told her to shut up.

**BuKitten: The second nonsense chapter :P Yay!!**

**Misha12: The beginning was serious, the ending was nonsense. Well, not so much as the first chapter.**

**BuKitten: We used all of our steam on that one.**

**Misha12: As soon as we got the reviews, we stopped the seriousness. The reviews went something like this:**

**MORE SARCASM! MORE DARK HUMOR! MORE BUKITTEN AND MISHA12 COLLAB!!**

**BuKitten: So, give the people what they want. This is random, but does Pudding remind anyone of a reeeally little Ranma? Like, the girl one? Or am I completely alone on that? -.-**

**Misha12: YAY! Ranma plus Pudding equals: Big brother/sister and sister! - **

**BuKitten: Ehem... sure... So peoples, REVIEW!! Or we will send our irony birds after you!**

**Mint: Hate... birds...**

**Misha12: OH, THE IRONY!!**

**BuKitten: The third chapter actually might take longer, considering the two authoresses writing it are being separated... waah...**

**Misha12: Yeah, I'll be able to go back to my house! Which is kind of bad...in many ways not known to man. Now, REVIEW, OR THE AWESOME POWER OF SARCASM AND IRONY WILL ONCE AGAIN CRASH DOWN UPON YOU!**

**BuKitten: bye! and stay tuned for a cuhRAZY interview crashing!! (after we read some more Ranma, of course!) **


	3. Glock

Disclaimer: We do not own Tokyo Mew Mew

**Disclaimer: We do not own Tokyo Mew Mew.**

**Misha12: HIYA! This time, BuKitten is at MY house! - YAY! Um…BK is eating this second soooooooooooo…I'll just read Legend of Zelda(MY MOST FAV MANGA RIGHT NOW!!)/or work on Why Me.**

_**Time passes**_

**BuKitten: Hola. I'm back. Well, I was never exactly here, so…**

**Misha12: (blank blinking) Unyah? Never exactly here? You're a ghost?**

**BuKitten: … Whatevs, anyways, I'm kinda tired today so I wonder how this chapter will turn out (Everything ends in a bloody mess. Why's that? Oh BuKitten is tired today.)**

**Misha12: Nooooooooooooooo, DSB95 blew up my brain in her review! Remember?**

**BuKitten: Uh-oh, I guess that means I'll just have to take over! Hey Ichigo! Whats that sword in your neck?**

**Ichigo: What sword?**

**BuKitten: This one! (Stabs in neck) Ahem, anyways, once again, we should start the festivities now… M12, put your head back on…**

**Misha12: IT WAS NEVER OFF!! OO Cookies…Little Jeffery… DENTIST!! **

**BuKitten: OH NO!! Bill Cosby has taken over your MIND!! So, um, never mind her, I will start this.**

_Previously…_

_I shot up into the air. "Let's crash her interview that she told us about last Friday!"_

"_Yay!" Pudding squealed, bouncing off the walls with me. "We're gonna crash the interview!!" She quickly ran over to the intercom. "KIDS, GET THE WEAPONS, NA NO DA!"_

**Color Me Dead**

**Chapter Twee!**

"Pudding, what is with you and roofs?" Mint complained.

Our group (minus Zakuro) was all crouched on the roof of the building that held the last victim- I mean mew- that we needed crucial info from.

"They're secretive, na no da!"

I looked around us. We were in plain sight, and people were even looking up in confusion at the strange group of 'cosplaying' girls. "Er, yeah." I said sarcasticly.

Two girls suddenly popped out of the sky with a giant ball of confetti, throwing it over my head.

"CONGRATZ, ICHIGO! YOU ARE THE FIRST TO USE SARCASM IN THIS CHAPTER!!"

I stared at them and their poses, and an awkward moment passed by. Then the shorter one coughed.

"Kay, let's go. Now that I think of it, this is silly."

The taller, more unsophisticated one screeched. "NOOO!! NOOO, BURGER KING!! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!! I WANNA GO AND BUG RYOU TO HIS GRAVE!!"

The short one sighed. "Fine. But then we're gone! Oh wait, is Kish around here? We can stay as looong as you want then, M12."

The two strange people bounded off, and I could hear the taller one talking on, "I want ice cream, too, BK! Buy me ice cream!"

"Sometimes I wonder who the older one here is…" The short one said to herself, and that was the last of them.

But a booming voice sounded in the sky. "THIS IS NOT THE LAAST OF US, ICHIGO! JUST YOU WAIT!!" How did that voice know my name? "WE ARE SPECIAL!! THAT'S HOW!!"

Another loud voice chimed in, aggravated. "Oh, you're special, all right."

"SHUT IT!"

Pudding waved to the sky. "Bye, voices! Come again when we're not trying to kidnap someone!! Thanks, na no da!!" After her long wave, she jolted to the center of the roof and took out a pen. Pudding clicked the pen numerous times before she put it to the floor and drew a sloppy 'x'.

"Kids! Spork, stat!" A little tike pressed a plastic spork into Pudding's hand, and she did the weirdest thing.

She attempted to dig through the roof.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't be stupid, Pudd-" Before I finished my sentence, there was a hole in the roof. I gasped. "How- I mean- The roof- and- how??"

"Family spork secret!" Her face lit up as she dove- yes, head first- into the building below.

Before long, there were screams and shouts from the room.

"Oh, great, Pudding, did you mess this up?" Mint exasperatedly groaned, and just as she did a couch flew out the window on the side of the building, glass shattering everywhere onto the street. "Yup, you did."

From down in the room came a voice that sounded like Pudding's. "Oh, stop yer complaining, it didn't even match with the rest of the furnishings." Then she looked up at the rest of us who were peering into the hole and motioned with her hand. "C'mon in, the water's fine!"

After all of us cautiously had entered the room, it was clear that it was actually a hallway, and thankfully Zakuro's room was downwards. So we didn't miss any of the 'fun', as Pudding's siblings had phrased it.

As the oldest of the child mafia opened the door to the interviewing room, I prayed that maybe- just maybe- her interview was actually not today, but another instead. The door swung open and I squinted through the set lights to find Zakuro sitting on a couch, talking with a woman. Perfect; she's here.

Immediately, all of us leaped in front of the camera, Pudding's brothers and sister stayed in the doorway until their 'signal' went off.

"HI, TOKYO! We need to borrow your favorite model for a few…um…hours, to kill our boss," she muttered the last part. "Hey, Zakuro!" Pudding waved, sounding off the little mafia.

The kids threw smoke pellets everywhere, causing the entire room to fill up with a thick smokescreen. In the excitement, I, Mint, Lettuce, and Pudding 'escorted' Zakuro out of the building.

When the smoke cleared, the entire place was a mess. Right before the little SWAT team left, Pudding's sister shouted into the camera, "YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS!" Along with a few incantations, she successfully took the film, cleaned up the place, and made it as if we were never there to begin with. What a smart little tyke.

After a few minutes of running, Zakuro must've just come to. She wriggled restlessly around in our arms, kicking me in the face. Lovely.

"Where are you taking me?! Take me BACK!!" She continued to scream at us, until Pudding stuffed a cold towel in her mouth, tying it in the back. I laughed- she looked stupid for her normal, sophisticated state of being.

"Shush. Listen." Zakuro rolled her eyes in a statement that said, 'Well, I've got no choice, now do I?' Of course, even though she was quiet, her legs stayed loud, kicking me once again, in the face.

I cursed in protest, but I was completed ignored.

Pudding smiled deviously and started her rant with a statement that should've been a question: "Zakuro, you were fired."

"What is yes?" Zakuro muffled through the towel in jeopardy style.

Pudding nodded, going on, "So, we are doing the most reasonable, rational solution."

I raised my eyebrows. I didn't remember discussing this.

"_**We WiLL KiLL RYoU**_!" Lightning flashed and thunder cracked in the background. Any moment, I expected a 'mwahaha'. I didn't get one, disappointingly.

"We will?" Lettuce whispered gently in a scared voice.

"Of course we will, you idiotic commoner!" Mint shouted at Lettuce, who shrank to her usual, miniature self.

By now we were already at Café Mew Mew, and it seemed Pudding already had a plan, for she didn't tell us to slow down, Zakuro still upraised in our arms. Funny how _Pudding_ of all people seemed to be our leader now.

"Now to break down the café doors!" Pudding yelled in a war-like shout. Then, even more barbarically, she shouted, "HEAVE!"

I'm not exactly sure what Lettuce, Mint, and I were thinking- perhaps we were caught up in the momentum that was Pudding- but we went ahead and rammed Zakuro's head into the large, wooden, HARD, pink doors. She screamed and swore very, _very _loudly, and after about ten more head-bashing, door-ramming, Mint finally said:

"Oh!" Then she placed Zakuro down (from her side only, though, so since Lettuce and I were still holding her from the other side, she rolled off of our arms and onto the pavement. Maybe only later we would feel sorry for her many bruises and scars. Maybe later.) and waltzed over to the doors. "They're not locked! It's not nine o clock yet!"

And with that, she simply opened the doors. Zakuro nearly killed us.

Once in the café, Ryou had already rushed downstairs. "What in HELL are you guys doing?! Trying to ram down the doors or something?!" We looked at each other, suppressing giggles. "I was _trying_ to get some work done!"

I smirked. "Oh, Ryou, our sincerest apologies." I bowed for his sake and the rest of the girl's pleasure.

He groaned. "Ugh. Anyways, what could possibly want enough to disrupt the Café this badly?"

Pudding suddenly became serious and business-like. "Ryou, sit." After he hesitantly sat, staring cautiously at Pudding's OOC-ness, the rest of the group joined him at the little table. "Now, Ryou, honey, you are going to answer our questions. Or else." Mint cracked her knuckles on each hand for effect and Pudding seemed approving.

"Well? What do you want?" Ryou actually seemed frightened. Ooo, how much I was enjoying this already. And we haven't even killed him yet!

"Answers, like I said. First of all, where were you this morning?"

Ryou looked at Pudding like she was delirious. "Here?" He answered, seeming unsure.

"And? What did you do?"

"Um, work?" He said each word slowly, still uncertain. Pudding nodded her head, jotting down notes. "WHAT COULD YOU BE WRITING?!" Ryou fumed, snatching the little, yellow notepad, reading it aloud. "'_Milk, eggs, butter… hmm, what about those tasty-looking rice balls I saw on sale the other day? Hmm… na no da…' _Pudding? Why are you writing this? I thought you were-" Pudding stared at him with big, innocent eyes. "Oh never mind! You're such a strange, juvenile monkey!" Everyone- including me- gasped and turned to Pudding. Tears welled up in her eyes, causing Ryou to freak out and jump over to her. "Oh! I'm sorry, don't cry, Pudding! I'm sorry!"

Pudding looked at him like he was a crazy lunatic. "What are you _talking_ about?? My contact lenses shifted…" Pudding poked her eye a couple of times, and then smiled. "All better!"

Ryou twitched. "You. Wear. Contact. Lenses?"

Uh-oh. His face started to turn red. From anger or humiliation, who knows? I squealed; I need to remind him! "Ryou! Ryou! You're blood pressure! Watch it!"

"I'm. Not. Angry." He said through gritted teeth.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, suuure. Take these." I shoved his pills in his mouth, and he calmed down- the interrogation continued.

"So this morning," Pudding continued, "Did you happen to _say_ anything to any select girls, or workers, for that matter?"

"M-maybe," Ryou stuttered, just now catching Pudding's drift.

"And what did you say?" Pudding asked right at the tail of Ryou's last sentence.

"Stuff."

"And what _kinda_ stuff?"

"Stuff about work."

"What _kinda_ stuff about work?"

"Stuff about people getting cut."

"What _kinda _people?" Poor Ryou, Pudding can crack anybody like a raw egg.

"EVERY KINDA PEOPLE THAT WORK HERE!!" Instantly after his outburst, Ryou clamped his hands over his mouth.

"Thank you," Pudding satisfyingly said, continuing her questionnaire, but now quieter and nicer. "So _why_ did you fire all those innocent, young girls?"

"Cause…"

"Cause why?"

"Cause…"

"CAUSE WHY?!" Pudding jumped on the counter with a glock and pressed it to his forehead.

After a completely terrified whimper, he spoke, or rather, girlishly shrieked, "CAUSE YOU'RE ALL COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY USELESS!! DON'T KILL ME!!" With that he dashed to the other side of the café, jumping out a window, (that in fact, was not open, so the glass burst and he ended up a bloody mess) and screaming as he ran away.

Keiichiro innocently strolled into the café from the kitchen and froze. "My dear! What ever happened in here?"

Pudding took aim for his head from the table, smiled, and pulled the trigger.

**BuKitten: I got my bloody mess… Me satisfied…**

**Misha12: (can't stop laughing) H-holy crap, if only you people could see what it looked like when I imitated stuff. **

**BuKitten: Mhm, like Zakuro getting smashed into doors. Fun. Ahh, what a world this would be if someone gave Pudding a glock…**

**Misha12: Or if we were running the world…**

**BuKitten: o.0 please not…**

**Misha12: Afraid of extreme happiness?**

**BuKitten: Or death, you know. Anyways. (I think that's my most used word. Sad.) Since we typed this at M12's house, if you notice a drastic change in everything, blame it on that - **

**Misha12: Eh? How dare you?!**

**BuKitten: … Heh. Hope you peoples liked this chapter! I know Cuxie will, cuz of all the Lettuce-bashing n all. Review please! Or else we might detach ourselves from the computer for once and not bother with the next chapter for at least TWO whole days!! GASP!! **

**Misha12: Well, I was thinking a week…but I suppose that'd be a little too rash… REVIEW! Or Pudding will kill you all with her amazing Glock 49 Caliber!! **

**BuKitten: I wonder if she got it from Cisqua… I bet they'd be great chums… I GET CLOSING REMARK!! YAAAY! So ummm… Kids, eat yer veggies! And REMEMBER! COUD VAN GIRUET IS HOOOOT! Ehem. Yeah…**

**Misha12: We gets Elemental Gelade fever in last coupla remarks. Joy!**

**BuKitten: …stole my last remark…**


	4. Chapter FOUR! MUAHAHA!

Disclaimer: We don't own TMM

**Disclaimer: We don't own TMM!**

**BuKitten: BTW, if the disclaimer is doubled again, we don't know why!!**

**Misha12: Yeah, and it's not our fault, DSB95!! MUAHAHAHAHA!**

**BuKitten: There's that laugh you wanted, too! So I bet that all you readers want to know what happens to poor Keiichiro, right?**

**Misha12: HE DIES! MUAHAHAHAHA!! (cough, cough) Too much laugh…**

**BuKitten: Um, heh, you'll have to read to find out! (Cause c'mon, who believes HER?)**

**Misha12: …I believe me.**

**BuKitten: …Of course you do. Time for the story! Buh BYE!! See ya at the ending A/N!!**

_Previously_

_Keiichiro innocently strolled into the café from the kitchen and froze. "My dear! What ever happened in here?"_

_Pudding took aim for his head from the table, smiled, and pulled the trigger._

**Color Me Dead**

**Chapter FOUR!! MUAHAHA!!**

"Say your prayers, cake man!" Pudding giggled evilly, pulling the trigger.

Keiichiro shrieked in fear as he slammed his hands on his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. He fell over, making all sorts of ridiculous spazzing motions. I looked down at him with strong disapproval.

But once the trigger was pulled, water shot out and dribbled all over Keiichiro on the ground. He stood, brushed any dust and water off his shirt, and trotted back to the kitchen singing, 'Tra la, la, la…'

Pudding burst into fits of laughter while the rest of us just gazed quietly at the possible woman that had just left the room.

Lettuce gasped quietly, and when we turned to her, she said, "Ry-Ry's getting away, ya know?"

We all gasped much louder in unison, before charging out the now-open window, screaming archaically all the way. All of us except Zakuro, who only stared after us, went through the doors, and strolled down the street after the group of medieval kids.

Meanwhile, Ryou was running for his life. He ran through the park and stopped for a breather under a giant tree. Ryou stared up and in the branches was a tree house. "…Why do I feel like climbing up in that tree house and crying?" He shivered, "Creepy."

Ryou thought to himself…before Pudding tackled him. "TAKE THAT!" She shouted.

"GLAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHFFFFAAAA!! Ugh… Nice tackle… I almost coughed my insides out…" Ryou held his stomach, for fear that his insides would, in fact, flow out.

I stood on Ryou's feet to prevent him from running. "What is the real reason you fired us?"

"I fired you all, because you're more trouble than you're worth." He stared up at me. "Can I go, now?"

Pudding slapped him randomly. "Pudding," I started, "you have to ask him a question before you hit him!"

"Ooooooooh…" She glanced at Ryou out of the corner of her eye. A devilishly devious smile grew on her face. "What color is my underwear!?" Pudding slapped him.

"PUDDING!" Ryou flamed. "Stop hitting me! And it's not like I go around all day waiting for you to leave your house so that I could stare at your underwear drawer!"

I stared at him. "…Whose house _do_ you go to, Ryou?" Ryou slammed his head against the huge tree behind him. I wonder why. "Ryou…" I moaned. "…I want to know the real reason why we were fired."

His eyes thought I was crazy. "…Didn't I just tell you why?"

I shook my head no. "You were lying." He continued to stare at me in confusion from my all-knowing powers. "Pudding…" I grew Pudding's evil smirk as I held out my hand. "…The glock, if you don't mind."

Pudding nodded her head eagerly. Ryou's confused face disappeared immediately, turning into terrified glances. "A g-glock!?" He stared at the gun being passed from Pudding's hands to mine. "I-Ichigo… I know what you're thinking," I loaded the gun and he gulped, "and it isn't good…for me, anyway."

I pointed the gun to his head. "Any last words?" I can't forgive the stupid, little jerk that fired me! No answer, I bet he thought I wasn't going to shoot him. I cocked the gun.

Ryou bit his lip. "FINE!" I fell over from his shout. "APRIL FOOLS! YOU'RE ALL APRIL FOOLS FOR BELIEVING ME!" With that, Ryou ran all the way back to the café and I could hear him slamming and locking the doors even from my position.

"It was an April Fool's Day joke?" I murmured. A few seconds later I burst out laughing. "He got me good!" We all laughed -Zakuro smiled- but Lettuce counted her fingers.

"Ichigo," she spoke, "it's not April 1st."

**Misha12: DONE! :3**

**BuKitten: Yeah, no twenty chapters long story from us…**

**Misha12: Too hard. ..**

**BuKitten: It's waay past April Fools. Ryou's an idiot. Or Ichigo, for not calling him on it right away. **

**Ichigo: April Fools isn't in June?**

**Misha12: No, Ichigo. It's in December. Right next to Christmas.**

**Ichigo: Ohhh, I understand now! GET OVER HERE, YOU LYING SCUMBAG OF A BOSS!!**

**BuKitten: Yeah, she's the idiot… Hope everyone enjoyed our little fic! Review or… you know the drill.**

**Misha12: MUAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! There, you have your 'Muahaha', DSB95.**

**BuKitten: There's one at the beginning. Overdose, much? I'm gunna turn down the volume on my headphones… they're screaming at me….**

**Misha12: The newest torture device! (turns up volume all the way and shoves it in BK's ear)**

**BuKitten: GAAAAAAAAAH!! WHY MUST ROCK LIKE DISTURBED BE PLAYING RIGHT NOW??**

**Misha12: Because the Lord of Irony says so.**

**BuKitten: Loud headphones plus hard rock equals irony? I'm not too sure about that. Well, we should end this before it's longer than the story, if it already isn't.**

**Misha12: No, I didn't say Irony, I said Dark Humor. Lord of Dark Humor!**

**BuKitten: Oh, I've met him! We had a lovely conversation over tea. **

**Misha12: Nice. I wish I could've been there, but I was talking to the Queen of Sarcasm and her husband King Oxymoron. Well, we gotta go, tell us if you have any opinions on future collabs! (though we may not… ..) R&R!!**


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